The year of under achievement
I’m trying to imagine just how many blog posts here are that have started along the lines of “2020… wow. “
Mine should’ve been “WOW!”, for all the right reasons not the wrong ones. I was due to marry. Having requalified at the end of last year I was going to add a new string to my freelance bow and expand my business. I had two floats to design for pageantry commissions and I had really started to love the part -time 9-5 role that I’d secured away from the entertainment industry. At the beginning of February I was in a pretty good place and really looking forward to the year ahead.
And here we are at in Mid November. My 9-5 role is still intact, I’m still enjoying it and have grown within it. I feel extremely lucky on that front. My wedding has been pushed back to next summer in the hope that we will be able to go ahead with a reasonable head count. As for my new freelance venture? Never even got started. I made my decision to leave live theatre two years ago, in order to concentrate more to my freelance design work and focus on pageantry. I became a float designer 7 years ago for the annual Lord Mayor’s Show and with it experienced such freedom of expression and enjoyment the collaborative process of working directly with clients and helping them tell the story of how their charity was built or their role and history in the City of London; whatever it was I was helping them tell it. I love storytelling. It’s what I’m good at and it’s a huge reason why the visual arts matter so much. With each commission come a new opportunity to learn, develop and grow. I have 6 float designs in my portfolio. They have varied in scale, budget and their challenges along the way but they have all given me something that has strengthen my resolve, approach and the means to secure new commissions.
What the last few months should have been used for is planning and developing and re- strategizing. Pulling all the projects that I regularly work on and using them in a stronger model for my business. Like all freelancers if there’s no work, there’s no money. It is terrifying work ethic and a wonder why so many of us choose it. But I haven’t used the time wisely. I’ve spent it (much like everyone else) fretting and pulling myself together in equal measure. “What will become of live entertainment?” “You have means and ways so count yourself lucky…” dialogues in my head have both been curse and cure. Am I selfish to have put my energies into looking inward this year? No. Practising self-care for myself, my family and friends some of whom really have needed support throughout have really been the strengthening exercise I’ve needed as often the case in the freelance world there is no free time to see loved ones. I have at times felt very stagnant, creatively stifled. This is in part due to restricted access to other creatives and the industry itself. I would kill to go and sit in a museum just for an afternoon. Only now, with the end of this appalling year finally in sight am I telling myself not to hibernate. To start to flex and move. To plan. This isn’t a new strategy. I tell myself to behave more creatively and be more receptive every year, but this year those opportunities have been taken away from us all. I hold myself to very high standards and have a tendency to beat myself up if I don’t feel I’ve achieved enough or in the right order of events. Not this year. I’ve actually managed to let that part of me go. Instead, I’ve set myself the challenge of starting this blog as a monthly tool to hold myself accountable for my own growth. It isn’t going to be a platform for stating what I’ve done this month, boasting about achievements etc. But more about what I’ve found, seen and added to my arsenal and used to reignite.
Today is the day I should’ve been running around the City, helping my clients with final preparations for tomorrow’s early start. The Lord Mayor’s show has been a fixture in London’s calendar for over 800 years. This is only the second time it has been cancelled in all that time. It kept going throughout 2 world wars, and the decision to pull the event this year was not made lightly. But it has been done for the right reasons and it will come back larger and stronger next year.
Oh, 2021. The bar is set very high. Very high indeed.
www.lordmayorsshow.london